When you think my past is this big scary unknown: it isn't. It's just a lot of very sad things. I did a lot of sad things to myself, and as a consequence sad things happened. That's all; nothing secret, nothing unmentionable.
The mystery part is why I would do those things; that I still don't know. Why I had the constant urge is worrying to me, and it's worrying it may ever come back.
But the details of the sad things- like letting men use me, cutting people out my life, or eating too much/too little- they are just sad things that feel sad to talk about. That doesn't make them secret. Or scary. Just.. sad.
I wouldn't be the Alice I am today if those things hadn't happened. And as you've told me you're keen on her.. we just have to accept sad pasts and live in the now. I don't want to relive the past. I'm not blocking it out. I'd just much rather deal with what I can change, rather than what I can't.
Live in The Today.
Not the future plans, or 'life will be better when..' just what is happening today and what we can do to make today even lovelier.
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