26. I never told you this, but..

When I was with Ann on Friday, we were doing relaxation time towards the end as we usually do. I was in my calm place, swimming in an open lake in the sunshine. Usually I am in the lake alone, gliding through the water doing breaststroke, my body feeling light and free and relaxed. I think it has something to do with the 'me' time aspect of it. You, and everyone else, are on the banks of the lake, sitting doing your own thing, content, and I don't have to worry about anyone's happiness just my own. No one wants anything from me, I am not needed to do anything, just be.
But this Friday I wasn't alone in the water. You were swimming with me. You were with me in my safe water, and we both swam and swam, feeling light and free and relaxed. I think this means you are now a real part of 'me'.

I want to swim with you forever.

25. I never told you this, but..

I'm starting to like Alice Watson for the first time since I met her.

24. I never told you this, but..

I badly want a pet raccoon.

Here's why:










Here is why not:

23. I never told you this, but..

I've got the blues today.

I'm listening to this, and it makes things a lot better.




Contenders for the 'Reason of Blueness' Award:

Drinking alcohol at the weekend. (I had a lot of fun, just that Tuesdays end up like this sometimes)
Awkwardness of being in this flat when I have told them I'm leaving. I hate this feeling and in the past is why I just run away from flats or jobs without warning, to avoid people's reactions to my departure.
Spending nearly 9 hours a day in a cold (literally and figuratively) office which nothing to put my brain too. I don't like saying I don't like it there.
Still a heavy sadness about my Ma and Pa and the disappearance of the sturdy family I used to rely on. There is nothing I can do about this.
Feeling like I have so much to do that I end up doing none. This is irrational and based on exaggeration. Nonetheless, as Anne taught me, if I am feeling something, it's valid no matter what it is.

I see the future being a little like this:
Living at Kingswear Road
Working in a different slightly more interesting admin job
studying for counselling course
running for 10km
organising jumble as a team
cycling most places, including to work
eating healthy meals for you, and cooking to take to work
Amsterdam, Glastonbury, Liverpool, Spain

I'm not a million miles away. Maybe a thousand. But that's closer than I've ever been. So it's good. Great, in fact. It's all Great.

22. I never told you this, but..

Sometimes I’m a m a z e d to be alive.

Today is one of those times.
It’s different to feeling glad, or lucky, or happy to be alive. And it’s different to just feeling good.

I honestly didn’t believe I would be here. That’s because I honestly didn’t want to be.

But I am.
25 and alive.
And most importantly, wanting to be.

I don’t care what else I achieve in this life. I’ve already achieved what was ‘The Impossible’.

21. I've never told you this, but..

.. my login gmail account so I can use blogger is: alicelovesrachel@gmail.com
I set it up when we started this blog.

I was so happy that it wasn't already taken.

alice does indeed love rachel.