When you think my past is this big scary unknown: it isn't. It's just a lot of very sad things. I did a lot of sad things to myself, and as a consequence sad things happened. That's all; nothing secret, nothing unmentionable.
The mystery part is why I would do those things; that I still don't know. Why I had the constant urge is worrying to me, and it's worrying it may ever come back.
But the details of the sad things- like letting men use me, cutting people out my life, or eating too much/too little- they are just sad things that feel sad to talk about. That doesn't make them secret. Or scary. Just.. sad.
I wouldn't be the Alice I am today if those things hadn't happened. And as you've told me you're keen on her.. we just have to accept sad pasts and live in the now. I don't want to relive the past. I'm not blocking it out. I'd just much rather deal with what I can change, rather than what I can't.
Live in The Today.
Not the future plans, or 'life will be better when..' just what is happening today and what we can do to make today even lovelier.
Friday, 23 July 2010
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