When I hit the floor from my bike on Tuesday, I felt like for the briefest moment it was just as probable a car wouldn't brake in time and run me over as it was I would be able to get off the road to safety.
It was a very scary split second of adrenalin fueled action: pure instinct, no real control. My legs walked me to the pavement before I had time to instruct them to.
But at the same time, part of me thought right then if it happens, it happens. Not because I want it like I used to, but because I'm happy enough to die now if that's whats meant to be.
It's hard to explain with a lack of morbidity.
Essentially, I have found a peace within myself that I didn't have before.
I am no longer stuck in the claws of my past, forced to replay and relive sad horrors. And I am no longer only content in an imagined future of 'things will be better when..'
I am nowhere but here. Blanket, laptop, scabs, an apple and a tea to come. There is a perfect perfection in the present for it is all we will ever have and all that will ever matter.
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